Committed To A Cure License Plates shouldn’t be only for breast cancer. It should also raise awareness that Marijuana can help cure many diseases and viruses as well. Let’s get these license plates put into our DMV System.

There are 2 ways to rate a girl’s appearance:

The “Would You” Scale and the 1-10 Scale.

The “Would You” Scale is simply what it says. Is the girl bangable or not and “Would You” do her. This scale is good and all, but doesn’t describe the degree of bangability like the 1-10 scale.

We calibrate the 1-10 scale by starting with a 4. Anything on the range of a 3 and below is considered a “Monster” and you need to drink alcohol to get aroused for sex. If a “Monster” is all you can get, you better pull a “Black Op” and never admit you did such a horrifying thing. However, every man has banged a monster in his life because men are unable to resist free, no investment sex.

4
This is called a “Black Op”. A 4 is a chick you don’t tell anyone you did stuff with. She is most likely Busted and needs plastic surgery. It’s a secret mission that is never discussed for the sake of your dignity.

5
A 5 is slightly unattractive. This is someone you wouldn’t look at twice. However, she is do-able and you wouldn’t be embarrassed to tell your friends.

6
A 6 is a girl who is cute when she works at it, but her flaws are easier to notice. This is someone you wouldn’t be ashamed of. Could be date material/maybe more. Still, it’s a respectable rating.

7
A 7 describes the Girl-Next-Door cuteness. She has no major flaws and is girlfriend material. The problem with 7′s is that while you’re out with one, you typically run into a handful of girls who are better looking than her. Most men will start having thoughts of “Can I do better?” However, this is typically who you would marry.

8
An 8 is “Hot”. The hotter a girl is, the less she has had to work on her personality to be liked by others. Because her looks have been enough to get her what she’s wanted throughout her entire life, she doesn’t have the training or desire to go the extra mile to please and engage you.

9
A 9 is what you would describe as “Super Hot.” Getting a 9 seems to be more luck and timing than skill because —besides celebrities— there is no man who consistently gets them. The personality problem you had with an 8 is multiplied with a 9 in logarithmic fashion.

10
The only difference between a 9 and 10 is makeup, clothing, lighting, and most importantly: PHOTOSHOP. So therefore, 10′s do not exist naturally in the wild. Describing a girl as a 10, or dime piece, is unreasonable since you are admitting that the girl is perfect, something that no human is.

Alright, it’s Tuesday night in the Mile High so what’s there to do…. go to Suite 200 for ladies night. We do some pre-gaming at my place before heading down town so we can turn 4′s into 6′s and 7′s into the most gorgeous creatures alive (refer to Chick Ratings for further explanations). We go downtown, with a sober driver of course, and the night is all grand and party hardy like always. Then 2 am rolls around and the bars closing. But where is our driver???

It turns out, 3 of us have been left behind with no Free ride home. Dammit!!! We all are still highly intoxicated and realize it’s too late to catch the light rail home. I ask a taxi driver how much it would cost to get to my house; he says 18 bucks. Oh Hell!!! That’s too much. I’m a cheap mo-fo. So we sit on a bench outside Suite 200 and try to figure out what to do.

Out of no where, this deaf chick comes stumbling next to me and sits on the bench next to me. So I stand up and she starts dancing around me and kisses me on the cheek. At this moment, I realize this night is about to get real interesting.

<Video of chick dancing will be uploaded here>

This girl has to be at least 80% deaf because she can only hear what we we saying if she looked at our lips. I knew how to handle this because I lived with a deaf roommate in College my freshman year. Alonzo and Lauren were the two friends with me and of course, Alonzo comes up with the brilliant idea of asking her for a ride home. What do ya know….. She says OK. And this is when the ride through hell begins…

This chick is way too intoxicated to drive but for some dumbass reason, we go with her. This is where the video begins:

<Video will be uploaded here shortly>

When we finally found the car, we had to move the garage sale of shit that was on her seats to the back of her car. Then we had to put my address in her GPS so she knew how to get to my house. That didn’t work to well. She then starts the car and I have no idea how that thing was still running. It sounded like the car was gonna blow. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang was coming out of the exhaust the entire ride home with the occasional firecracker pop coming from the exhaust.

The entire ride home this chick was all over the road. I think we were either in two lanes or the side of the road at all times. How she didn’t get pulled over, I have no idea.

After an 80 mph drive on a 55mph highway and many wrong highway exits, we made it. We survived the ride through hell. But the night doesn’t end there.

I locked my keys in my house. Son of a Bitch! So, I have to now break into my own place. Words can’t really describe this any further, the video explains it better.

<Video of break in here>