Alright, it’s Tuesday night in the Mile High so what’s there to do…. go to Suite 200 for ladies night. We do some pre-gaming at my place before heading down town so we can turn 4′s into 6′s and 7′s into the most gorgeous creatures alive (refer to Chick Ratings for further explanations). We go downtown, with a sober driver of course, and the night is all grand and party hardy like always. Then 2 am rolls around and the bars closing. But where is our driver???
It turns out, 3 of us have been left behind with no Free ride home. Dammit!!! We all are still highly intoxicated and realize it’s too late to catch the light rail home. I ask a taxi driver how much it would cost to get to my house; he says 18 bucks. Oh Hell!!! That’s too much. I’m a cheap mo-fo. So we sit on a bench outside Suite 200 and try to figure out what to do.
Out of no where, this deaf chick comes stumbling next to me and sits on the bench next to me. So I stand up and she starts dancing around me and kisses me on the cheek. At this moment, I realize this night is about to get real interesting.
<Video of chick dancing will be uploaded here>
This girl has to be at least 80% deaf because she can only hear what we we saying if she looked at our lips. I knew how to handle this because I lived with a deaf roommate in College my freshman year. Alonzo and Lauren were the two friends with me and of course, Alonzo comes up with the brilliant idea of asking her for a ride home. What do ya know….. She says OK. And this is when the ride through hell begins…
This chick is way too intoxicated to drive but for some dumbass reason, we go with her. This is where the video begins:
<Video will be uploaded here shortly>
When we finally found the car, we had to move the garage sale of shit that was on her seats to the back of her car. Then we had to put my address in her GPS so she knew how to get to my house. That didn’t work to well. She then starts the car and I have no idea how that thing was still running. It sounded like the car was gonna blow. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang was coming out of the exhaust the entire ride home with the occasional firecracker pop coming from the exhaust.
The entire ride home this chick was all over the road. I think we were either in two lanes or the side of the road at all times. How she didn’t get pulled over, I have no idea.
After an 80 mph drive on a 55mph highway and many wrong highway exits, we made it. We survived the ride through hell. But the night doesn’t end there.
I locked my keys in my house. Son of a Bitch! So, I have to now break into my own place. Words can’t really describe this any further, the video explains it better.
<Video of break in here>
. . . → Read More: Deaf Chick Ride Through Hell
